WHAT KIND OF PEOPLES MANAGEMENT WANTSPut about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
hum hain hindustani
Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Indian Cricket Team.
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.
Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.
Bombayite
One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Bombayites = film studio.
Three Bombayites = slum.
Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar .
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
Marwari
One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community.
True matrimonial adsthese are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this.
- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart… when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send uletter.. Thanks yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
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Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothlywas never so easy!)
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he should be good looking and should have a service. he Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. he should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on … hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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i am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow I amlooking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
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My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT……
(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much, ain't he?)
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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell…)
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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY
MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD
NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde called the man of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
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HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)
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iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
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iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation! J )
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Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. But iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that
Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye.
(uttama purishinin)
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iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
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I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted …
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
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my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service (Zebra..???)
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i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
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to be married on jan-2005. working man preferable (this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.)
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i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure. because boy is the maharaja.
(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)
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ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)
SMS JOKES THAT ALL LIKES1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa: Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!
Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai.
Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?
Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.
FOOL se, FOOL ne,
FOOLon ki FOOLwari me
FOOL ke sath wish kiya'
You are the most beautiFOOL, colorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS
What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage.
What did they named them?
They named them as 'Jo-Jua', 'So-Hua'
What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah? Wow! New Underwear.
Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.
Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.
you know u r an indian when*Your house smells like fried onions.Your house smells like fried onions.
*When you tell your parents you got 98% marks in an exam, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent.
*You make tea in a saucepan.
*You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
*You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobe.
*You have a 'Singer' sewing machine at home.
*Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
*You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
*You hide everything from your parents.
*Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
*You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
*Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
*Everyone is a family friend.
*You study medicine or engineering at university.
*You were not that intelligent so you studied Computer science or business instead. (hey!!)
*You know no one who has studied music.
*You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
*You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
*You only make telephone calls after 6:30 PM.
*You like the meat well done.
*You eat onions with everything.
*You use chilly sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
*You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
*You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) hem with your parents.
*You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
*You order Indian food in English language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.
*You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex.
*You secure your baggage with a rope.
*You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all possible members of your family who have come to pick you up.
*You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.
*You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.
*You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school.
*You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.
*In addition to cooking, you also use oil as a grooming aid.
*You wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other.
*You have annoying nicknames.
*Your parents call all your friends "Beta".
*Your mother measures wealth only in gold and diamonds.
*Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try to demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
*Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.
*If you are living abroad, at least once a week your mom says, "I want to go back to India"
*No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
*Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor or engineer.
*While living abroad, your parents always say, "It's cheaper in India."
LOVE BLOSSOMS ON VALENTINE'S DAY
A FTER DIAMONDS, flowers are a girl's best friend. Few things appeal to the romantic in a woman more than a bouquet of flowers.
It is all very well to order the biggest and the most expensive bouquet in town, but a handpicked bunch would be appreciated just as much, maybe more. Make sure the bouquet you give your sweetheart on Valentine's Day has this personal touch. What to buy?: While red roses are usually the hot favourites in the season of love, the market these days is flooded with flowers of every possible hue. Choose from orchids, gerberas, lilies, carnations, and so on, or even pick up a bunch of wild seasonal flowers. Also available in the market are the exotic speckled orchids that look really classy when presented as a small bouquet or added to a bunch of gladioli. Tulips, too, are being imported specially for the day. Budget shopping: The best thing about flowers is that they suit all budgets. However, this year if possible, avoid the clichéd single rosebud. Instead, stand out in the crowd with seasonal flowers. With the premium attached to plush, red roses on Valentine's Day, a whole bunch of seasonal blooms will cost more or less the same as a single rose.
However, stop to think if your woman likes quantity or quality. It may be a good idea to give her few but expensive flowers rather than loads of cheap ones. With just a couple of exotic flowers, your florist can make an elegant bouquet embellished with leaves and smaller blossoms, pretty cellophane paper and ribbon (all of which usually comes free). Quality control: Just as sweet shops sell 10-day old mithai on Diwali, florists, too, prepare for Vday in advance. As a result, the quality of flowers often suffers. Make sure to pick up the freshest you can find. Better still, make a trip to Dadar flower market early in the morning. You would not only get fresh flowers, but could also buy them at about half the price that your fancy florist would charge.
Here are some tips to choose only fresh flowers The flowers you buy should not have been kept in water for too long. Smell the water; it should smell fresh and clean.
Make sure the stems have no cuts or breaks in them. The end of the stem should not be slimy or slippery, which means the flowers have been standing in water for long. The petals and leaves should not be limp. Leaves should also be a bright green.
valentine's day gift style
VALENTINE'S DAY may be the time to show your beloved how much you care, but you don't have to sink deeper into debt in the process. Here are some suggestions Give yourself: Use your talent or skills to create something memorable for your Valentine. It could be a song, a painting, a gourmet meal or even a straight-from-the-heart love letter. Go back in time: Do you remember where you were and what you were doing when you fell in love? Even if you can't return to the scene, you can recreate the magic at home. Get outdoors: Take a walk, plan a picnic for two or snuggle together around a cozy campfire. Give your partner a break from the mundane that lasts longer than a day. Create a coupon book that offers such things as massages, sleeping-in privileges or even getting out of dishwashing duty. Include the entire family in your celebration. Familyfun.com lists a number of family-friendly romantic movies such as Beauty and the Beast, Lady and the Tramp and The Princess Bride. Share your goals. Instead of spending a lot on fleeting holiday gifts, agree with your partner to put that money toward a longer-term goal such as a new home or a g rand trip.
